PortalKota – How to Conquer Anger in Parenting. I got to a point in my parenting: where i was so frustrated all the time that iwasn’t sure why God had given me these childrenand, that’s a really difficult place to be whenit’s, not going like you thought it would and ithought.
I was the only one that felt that wayand i came to realize that most moms and dads feelthat way at some point in their parenting journey.
I think a lot of times as parents we get caught, ina trap of saying things we regret or that you knoware hurtful or just are not helpful and it’s veryeasy to do that.
When you’re caught in the momentand you’re triggered and you’re frustrated, we havefour boys from toddlers to teens and so there’sa verse that says to outdo one another withbrotherly affection and to outdo one another andshowing honor to love one another with brotherlyaffection.
And so we really made that, like afoundational parenting script in our house and sowhenever, there’s a squabble we’ll say to our kidswhat: can you do to outdo your brother in thissituation and we don’t mean in a competitive wayto, get the upper hand, meaning how can you outdohim In showing him honor and brotherly affectionand, it works for us in our marriage too.
It’S likeif. We go into our relationships and our parentingwith the emphasis of what can i do to be ablessing to somebody else. Then, when they comethe kids come and they’re squabbling, i’m not likepulling.
My hair out, like can’t you just get alongi, can breathe a second and say hey what could youdo in this moment to outdo your brother in showinghim honor? You know, maybe that looks like forgivinghim in this moment.
Maybe it’s overlooking thatlittle offense. You know it’s like he’s, touchingme she’s touching me. It’S like okay, yeah yeahso, we’re gon na help.
You mature, because obviouslythere’s you’re still immature in this moment, butlet’s look for a proactive biblical approach, tohandling conflict with our kids and breathing lifeinto them things that are really going to shapetheir character, as opposed to just being triggered.
I got to a point in my parenting, where i wasso frustrated all the time that i wasn’t surewhy God had given with these children andthat’s a really difficult place to be whenit’s, not going like you thought it would and ithought.
I was the only one that felt that wayand i came to realize that most moms and dads feelthat way at some point in their parenting journeyand, so identifying those triggers and takinglike a couple of the key ones that were themost challenging for me was really importantlike with Littles trying to get out the dooron time and nobody has their shoes and i wouldjust get so frustrated.
Like i told you 20times it’s time to go, i have to take a step backrecognizing, that you know my anger and frustrationisn’t helping the situation at all, and so i had toget baskets and put them by the front door.
So thatshoes went by the front door, so we weren’t wastingtime getting out the door looking for the shoesand, it’s okay, if i don’t love the way it looksat least we’re getting out the door in time, one of the things that i think is so critical asa.
Turning point for me and my journey away, fromangry parenting toward more gentle biblicalpractices was recognizing that there’s adifference in our kids trying to set us off andpush our buttons and understanding and recognizingthat. They have a developmental maturity levelthat.
I need to be sensitive to sometimes thethings our kids are doing are not because they’rebad, kids, it’s because they’re, immature, kids and soour triggers are simply opportunities for us torecognize that they still have more teaching andtraining.
To do i talk about putting on a mom ascoach or dad as coach mentality in especially inthe early years.
You know when you have an athleteor, a musician. They don’t show up at the field.
Orin, the in the choir room, ready, mature, ready togo to the olympics or play in in the amazing umyou, know: philharmonic we assess where they’reat and then, as the coach or as the instructorwe come alongside them, and we say: okay here, areyour strengths, let’s play to those!
I’M going tohelp you in the strength, here’s some of yourweaknesses. This is why it’s a weakness, let meshow you a better way and let’s practice, practicepractice practice, practice practice and then maybeat.
Some point you’ll get to play in the game orperform in the concert and yet in parenting, wejust the kid misbehaves they don’t do the rightthing and we just react in anger and frustrationwe – don’t become more proactive and put on the momas coach mentality where we come alongside Them one thing i really hope parents also know is thatif.
You have struggled with anger and frustrationyou likely also feel a lot of guilt and shameover that and whenever you’re parenting, thegame changes on you all the time, because once youfeel like you’ve, got a handle on one age and stagethen, the kids are maturing and growing you’vegot.
Something new to manage, and so one thing wewant to say is please uh.
Remember that satan, isyour accuser, but Jesus is your friend and so ifyou’ve got tapes running in your head. That aretelling you i’m a bad mom. I am so terrible ummaybe.
I shouldn’t have these kids, you know what wewant to do is remember that there’s a differencebetween, godly conviction and condemnation thatcomes from your enemy, so don’t allow satan, tocondemn you but allow godly conviction to catapultyou towards spiritual growth. That’S the key of allof!
This so teaching our kids coaching them in, the behavior that we want them to display because if we’re just adding fire to fire ifwe’re, just reacting in anger, if we’re not coming along side them and helping them develop, and mature, both physio, physically and spirituallyand.
Emotionally then, we’re really wasting and nothonoring that stewardship that God has given us so.
We want to give you hope that it’s absolutelypossible to shift and that God is able if God can help me in my parenting journey he can help any body um, but don’t look at your triggers.
As problems. Remember that there are opportunities and that you get to be mom and dad as coach.